I’ve gotten a similar reaction from several of my friends and co-workers and loved ones with regards to my blog, namely this:
I know, I know. I’m not that happy with my weight right now, but it’s not like I care about the numbers or the calories or whatever. And I just really don’t want to change anything. I guess I could be a little more active, but I don’t want to change what I eat or diet or anything like that.
You all know who you are, and I love you all dearly. This blog is for all of you, and I’m about to get mean.
Cut the crap and stop fooling yourselves.
I totally get it. Change sucks. A lot. It’s hard and scary and time consuming and it generally means things are about to get different. And we don’t like different. But you’re just going to have to suck it up and deal.
So here’s my beef. If you feel self-conscious about your soft middle, or your snug button downs, or your flabby arms, and if you can at least internally admit that you are not happy with your current weight (whatever the number is), then it’s pretty clear to me that you are not happy. And that, in my books, is what matters the most. (I will love you no matter what weight you are, honest, so long as you love yourself.)
First off, I cannot express enough that things like BMI or weight or measurements or calories don’t matter. At all. This is not about being a socially predetermined shape or size. I get that. Maybe I wasn’t all that clear in my earlier posts, but I don’t really care about that sort of thing either. I don’t have a golden number in my head that I have to hit. I just find that personally, setting achievable and measurable goals works better for me. For example, saying something like “I need to get more sleep” in Andrea world means it will never happen. But when I tell myself something like “I need to get 7 hours of sleep each night”, it’s something I can tabulate and work towards and it makes me more likely to a) try and b) achieve. But that’s just me. Maybe it’s just because I like being able to incessantly track numbers and write them down all over the place. Maybe it’s because I like being able to calculate where I’m at and how far I have to go. Maybe I’m just crazy. I don’t know. But that’s why I have a Weekly Weigh-In page and why I could tell you my BMI or my target weight or how many calories I ate yesterday. These things are not the be-all-end-all. These are not what matters. These are just a means to an end, and that end is to be happy with my body, and to live a little healthier, be a little more active, and to be satisfied with myself. If in however many months I hit my goal weight of 170 and feel like I’m still not happy, then I may push myself to drop that lower. Or maybe I’ll hit 175 and be thrilled to death and leave it at that. I don’t really care what the number is, and you shouldn’t either. That’s not my point.
If you don’t like numbers, than find something else to track by. Take selfies. Organize your pants into goal piles. Trace your silhouette on the wall in chalk. I don’t really care what you do. I just think that it’s really important to do something to track your progress. I strongly believe that it’s part of human nature to get discouraged. It’s just a thing that seems to happen to all of us. If you don’t have some concrete way to look back and see how far you’ve come, then when you get discouraged (and trust me, you will get discouraged at some point) you’re not going to be able to get ahead. It’s like potty training. It didn’t matter if you had a whoopsies, because you still got to look at all the other stickers you had in your book, and still got to look forward to getting the next sticker, even if today all you got was a pair of wet socks.
Secondly, admitting that you could maybe stand to lose a bit of weight is not enough. I mean, it’s a start, but it’s not enough. If you look long and hard and yourself in the mirror (preferably naked) and you are not happy with what you see, chances are *drum roll* you are going to have to change something in your life. And that something you need to change is not going to be your weight. Because here’s the deal, there is a reason why your body has that extra fat on it. It didn’t just miraculously wake up one morning and go for a stroll and decide BAM I feel like being chubby today. There is a reason why that extra fat is hanging out, and most of the time that reason is because of conscious decisions you have made. I mean, sometimes it’s a medical condition like, say, a thyroid problem, in which case you should go to your doctor, but generally, you can chalk fat up to two things: too little activity and poor eating habits. And here’s the shocker of the day: it is your own fault. I know, right? Crazy. You mean because you chose to not be active and because you chose to eat too much food, or food too high in fat or sugar or carbs or whatever, you gained weight? And that’s your own fault!?! Yeah. So, once your head has stopped exploding from that one, let’s move on, shall we?
If you decide that you will not, in fact, change anything, please be advised that this decision also includes the fact that you will continue to gain weight. Gain. That’s the important bit here. If you don’t change anything, you will not stay the weight you are at right this instant. You will just continue to get bigger, and tubbier, and flabbier, and whateverier. Let me demonstrate. The first year I got an office job, I gained maybe 15lbs. I was not necessarily eating worse than I was previously, but I was certainly less active than before. Being less active means, in fact, that I was now consuming more calories than I should have been given my lifestyle (because the more active you are, the more you burn in a day), so although I hadn’t changed my eating habits, I had gained weight. After the second year working as a cube monkey, I had gained another 15lbs. Because nothing had changed. I continued to eat too many calories a day, which meant that I continued to gain weight, which means that by the end of year 2, I was 30lbs heavier than I had been at the beginning of my job. Because nothing had changed. The state you are currently in is a state of weight gain. For whatever reason *ahem food and activity levels*, your body has been gaining weight. If you do not change anything at all, you will continue to gain weight at the same rate. Which means, if you gain 15lbs a year, by year 4 that’s 45lbs, 5 puts you at 60lbs, and in 6 and a half years, you will have gained 100lbs. Okay, so the science may be a little shaky behind that because I would imagine eventually your body would adapt to higher calories and you would maybe gain a bit less that 15lbs a year, but the basic principle is there. If you are in a state of weight gain and change nothing, you will remain in a state of weight gain. Whabam. Mind blown. Again. You’re welcome.
Now, if you decide to just change a little bit, that’s a way cool step in the right direction. But here’s the problem. If you change a little bit, you will perhaps change from a state of weight gain to a state of weight maintenance, but that is not going to be enough. Let me continue on with my example. After year 2, I was pretty bummed out and decided I should start being more active. So I made a change. I dropped off some weight (maybe like 5lbs overall), which was awesome, and things were pretty hunky-dory. But, I didn’t particularly care to change my eating. So all I made was a little change. So by the end of year 3, I was not particularly ahead, because instead of losing weight, I had merely maintained it. So if you don’t make a drastic enough change to lose weight, you will simply remain in the state you are at now. This is better, but still no good.
Losing weight means two things: a really big change and a little change. Follow? You absolutely 121% indubitably undeniably irrefutably indisputably unquestionably have to have to have to have to make a change. A big change. And then, a little change.
A big change: This is crucial. Generally speaking, this will be a series of little changes that incrementally build on one another to create a wonderful process of weight loss. Since your body will adapt to things like, lower calorie diets or higher activity levels, to successfully lose weight you need to take on a period of constant changes in order to further lose weight. All these changes add up in my mind to what I call a big change. This is the icky part. Trust me. But, it’s what you need to do. I don’t care what excuses you give yourself, or me, or your dog. You. Have. To. Change. Something. A lot. Albeit slowly. Pick a starting point and build up. For me, I started with calorie counting, which will hopefully lead to making better eating choices. And yoga, which will hopefully lead to running, which will hopefully lead to weight training.
[SPOLIER ALERT: I hope to post more on that sequence of choices in the coming weeks.]
A little change: Once you have hit a happy place, you need to maintain that happy place. Generally speaking, your body tends to find its groove and will settle in on something it feels is happy and healthy. But since we are coming off a big change, you will need to make a little change in order to stabilize. So, instead of being in a state of weight loss, we now want to be in a state of weight maintenance. This means you might have to add in some more calories, or scale back a smidge at the gym. This is the ultimate end point day-to-day life goal. Something that is consistently maintainable and realistically matches your desired lifestyle. Unfortunately, you can’t just jump into this state, because it just won’t be enough to get you to drop the weight you need. But once that initial weight is gone, it’s a great way to stay happy and healthy and to avoid regaining weight in the future. Because then you would just have to restart it all and that would really suck. And change is hard enough as it is, so we don’t want to have to do it all over again.
So really, I’m telling you not only do you have to change, but you have to change a lot, if you want to change your weight. Only change breeds change. So suck it up.
My final advice is to change now. Today. The older you get, the harder it is for your body to adjust and lose weight. Your metabolism slows down, things get comfortable and sag in all the right places (or wrong places) and don’t feel like moving. Kind of like, it’s best to get the popcorn before you start the movie because once you sit down on the couch and get all comfy you don’t want to get up at all. (Wait, maybe it’s a good idea to not get snacks first because then you’d be less inclined to eat them… but I digress). My point is, the older you get, the harder it will be to a) change your ingrained habits and b) lose weight and c) stay active. So do it. Do it now. In the words of Dr. Seuss:
The time has come,
The time is now.
Just go, go, go!
I don’t care how.
You got that, Marvin K. Mooney?
And please remember that if you decide to continue to not change, that’s fine by me because you’ll be the one living with the consequences. You’ll be the one that’s heavier, and that feels more blah, and that is less excited (and exciting) in the bedroom, and that is more likely to have health issues later on in life. Not me. You. So gripe and complain all you want about your weight and about not wanting to change to whomever else you know, but I don’t want to hear it. Tough cookies. At that point, it’s your own fault. I’ve done what I can to convince you otherwise. I hope.